a tally of materialism

my november acquisitions:

1) an enameled turquoise and tangerine floral bangle from hongkong
2) the bigger bottle of coco mademoiselle (gone are the days of skimping on scent)
3) regulation white shirt from agnes b
4) white lace camisole from aero

am currently undecided between getting these locally made electric blue satin flats with black velvet poufs at the toes vs a new zippo lighter. or perhaps forgoing both for the sake of wonderful christmas presents for all! (ive felt rather self-indulgent lately and with good cause--)

we'll see how tomorrow's duty goes (singularly alone in the hospital wards, at the mercy of any and all pediatric patients.)

a calendar of days

there are hours in this patchwork calendar when
thin-soled and restless
you feel you can walk across water

then there are days
doused thickly with aubergine
when suddenly you're drowning in your tears.

the great indoors

it's the first time in seventy-odd days that i've had a whole day off -- luxuriously squandered in bed followed by the most fattening brunch ever while watching funny face. i don't think life can get much better than this. especially when you factor in the tiny detail that i'm on nursery duty tomorrow. ("pedia intern on duty! {insert antibiotic name here} push for baby-so-and-so...")

the pursuit of happiness

today's best things:

1. a new mac eyeliner. (it tends to smudge a little bit, but i think i shall use it at night to create an unintentionally smoky eye.)
2. pale peach nail polish
3. incredibly smart residents
4. being able to keep up with incredibly smart residents
5. a free lecture and dinner on the embryology of the physician
6. kani salad and sushi at said dinner
7. raining at dusk

seven is an excellent number. all in all a very good day for miss margaux.

"now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." - apollinaire

cardigans&skirts&love --

there's something about september that always makes me want to run out and buy sweaters to burrow in. it always seems like the perfect month for the softest cardigans and glossiest skirts; i think new england was built specifically for september. i spent the whole morning from duty devoted to cardigan-hunting. {i could have been a bear in a previous light, with my penchant for hibernation. hello goldilocks.}

ruffles! and mohair! this blumarine concoction reminds me of the frothiest pastries.

i particularly adore the robin's egg blue-ness of anthropologie's glenallen cardigan,
as well as the utter lushness of prada's ruffled plum cardigan.

tracy reese does floral gorgeously in scarlet, and tops this creation off with a beret.

i couldn't resist throwing in something so charming from the sartorialist

omg flamingos!&plaid! by eley kishimoto

the glossy blue against that cream is irresistible. adam and eve does it again.

and finally, charles nolan sends us off to uni in what may be the smartest outfit ever.

september sailing

{photograph courtesy of nymag.com}

Just looking at this picture makes me forget how much my feet hurt
after running around in the hospital all night. Have a gorgeous morning!

can you keep a secret?

today is one of those days when i'm faced with a blank screen and have absolutely no idea what to write on it. so i've decided to post a list of all secrets i can think of in five minutes, just off the top of my beflowered head.


1) i occasionally throw perfectly edible food away because i can't stand seeing it in the fridge.
2) i don't know anyone who doesn't like the song nothing's gonna stop us now by jefferson starship.
3) sometimes i think i go to work and pretend to know things when i really don't know what language they're speaking in.
4) pandas freak me out. hence i could not watch kungfu panda.
5) i got a temporary lifeguard job by pretending to be a varsity swimmer. (i can swim, just not varsity-like).
6) i faked knowing several languages in my resume.
7) i talk to myself when i'm alone. out loud.
8) i only went into medicine because i couldn't think of anything else to do after college.
9) sometimes, all i really want is to be a trophy wife.
10) i once went three days without eating anything other than skippy crunchy peanut butter.
11) i think new shoes and cupcakes can solve any problem.

the fake fashionista

{audrey hepburn as seen in Gap ads}

embarrassing but true: there are days when i feel like i can live on Gap clothing from weeks to an end and not mind. going to a Gap store makes me as delighted as going to, say, Topshop. or going to a frilly cupcake shop. so much for couture all day, everyday!

almond soy milk and sleep

{photograph by marcus kazmierczak, 2005}

this was how i felt on the way home -- i was supposed to update properly but
have just realized that i am too tired to do so. i can almost taste sleep on
my tongue; it vaguely resembles almond soy milk in flavor.
good night!

the trick is to keep breathing

well. as was aptly predicted by myself several posts ago, neurology rotation ate me for july and spat me out only several days ago for august, half alive after days and days of ct scans and mris, stroke conferences, rounds (and rounds and rounds and rounds) with my trusty neuro hammer, 6am call times, DNRs, and gallons of coffee. hemiparesis, anisocoria, and status epilepticus be damned, im now in radiology rotation and still breathing. that is, if my pneumonia doesn't get me first. i have a niggling suspicion that it might be pseudomonas from too much close contact with endotracheal tubes, but im willing to give azithromycin a fighting chance.

and on to other things: i haven't been online much since june, except for infinitesimal sneak peeks at the sartorialist when i'm supposed to be looking for online journals to present in conferences. i went back today and, well, this suits my day perfectly. the partly quizzical, half sulky look {blame it on the fact that i'm breathing forty times a minute to compensate for my shredded lungs}, the grey grey day, and still! the royalty of that blue! i adore it and only wish i'm as well-attired for my daily battle. but alas, im still out on my terrace at this late hour, bundled up in my oversize l/s oxford shirt and little else. listening to tiny dancer whilst having tea with my cheetos. perhaps tomorrow will be a brighter day.

good morning, sunshine!

{photograph by jennifer kennard, 2004}

because life doesn't get any better than a vanilla sunshine cupcake & a pot of brewed coffee for breakfast.

the masochist reveals herself

Today was another free day so I had coffee out with Pride and Prejudice (the book) and enjoyed the city's glow after yesterday's thunderstorm. I had on my red vintage store scarf loosely knotted at the neck, a generic white shirt puffed at the sleeves, loose black linen topshop shorts, and black peeptoe bow flats all pulled together by my panda-sized Burberry bag. After two hours and three cups of coffee, I walked around the mall trying to find the perfect leaf-green top but to no avail.

After lunch (california maki & potato balls), my sister and i caught Made of Honor in the theatres. It was as fluffy and generic as the trailer suggested which was just perfect for the day and the huge tub of popcorn that we got. Mcdreamy was adorable as always; I rather thought he carried the whole movie well. While the girl was interesting to begin with, she promptly became the designated object of affection of both parties and degenerated into a flat character. I actually think I'll get the dvd for one of those future nights when all I want to do is pass out after a terrible hospital duty and yet can't fall asleep for thinking of all the grim things that actually happened during said duty.

Among other things, I must say (and I can't believe I'm saying this) -- I miss the hospital. Too many free days and I realize what a masochist I actually am. I'm actually starting to map out outfits days in advance due to lack of any productive activity. There are only so much movies to watch and old books to read. I miss my stethoscope. I want my rounds, chart orders, medication reviews, surgery assists, 3 am admissions, legendary consultants, overbearing relatives, and toxic patients back! {And yes, I am certain I will regret saying this sometime in the near future}.

how extraordinary!

first day back at work was uneventful, thank god. a few people commented on how rested i looked, which surprised me pleasantly! it's also quite shocking how tired i am already although i was only at the hospital for the regular eight hours. it's barely ten and i can't keep my eyes open for any longer than 5 seconds! i did however manage to take photos of my wardrobe's newest tenants.

ive also recently decided to name all my new acquisitions! as apparel often come with the oddest style names -- really, my new jeans don't feel like Rippers to me~!, and as ive realized that i adore more names than i will ever have children or pets to burden them with, then i shall be very content naming various articles of clothing as if i've designed them myself. {forgive my oddity}. hence i introduce you to karen : my newest pair of jeans. its appeal lies in its unassuming but disgustingly confident nature. look at them! they look so ordinary, but the fit is fantastic.

and here glides emily: creamy, shiny, classy. with just the tiniest bit of mischief&sass. isn't she lovely? i haven't worn them yet, but they just seem to go with every clothing combination i can possibly think of! how extraordinary that they would be as versatile and capable of such adoration as my black beribboned flats!

and amy. i nearly forgot about her, as she is, as a matter of fact, just a pair of cotton navy and white pinstripe shorts!. reminiscent of sticky adolescent summers, halfway between flirty and tomboy, eternally young. don't you wish you were her? then you'd never have to work again.

j'adore...

jeans & austen. or perhaps austen & jeans. it's difficult to rate them by lifestyle priority but i have really been spoiling myself these past few days. shopping loot from the other day includes a pair of cream&gold maryjane wedges from celine, navy and white pinstripe shorts, a navy t-shirt with puffed sleeves, and a pair of paperdenim&cloth jeans on sale, {45% off retail price}. i wanted to get a pair of zebra print heels as well but restrained myself just in time (and they were the last pair too!) which was a good choice because i was able to get the jeans afterward. i rejoice particularly about the jeans as they are the perfect worn-in texture and wash, and paperdenim&cloth makes their jeans without any flashy logos/embroidery that you have to worry about matching with your top and shoes! although they would probably look best with an oxford shirt and ballet flats. also, with such an unassuming pair, i don't have to worry about faux designer jeans flooding the market (*cough* true religion's joeys, rock&republic's crowns, the ubiquitous sevens *cough*) and my butt looking like every other girl's out there. pictures tomorrow, i swear on all that is holy.


and to my next great love... since i've condemned myself to abject poverty for the next week, i settled in my salmon scrubs to watch pride and prejudice and the jane austen book club this afternoon. both are wonderful films; they make any rainy day bearable. although pride and prejudice does tend to give me the sniffles in the end. i do wish a mr. darcy would come sweep me away with his intense abruptness and smoldering looks. i don't understand why the members of the jane austen book club despise him so, there's such an intensity in him. *sigh* it's rather the perfect way to end my sick leave.

the mad hatter

I'm going shopping today! It feels a bit odd saying this but I'm quite excited because I really like shopping alone, and the past few shopping trips I've done were with my sisters and friends. I enjoy their company a lot but there's just something different about shopping at your own pace.


Anyway, I've been meaning to get my camera from the other house and post my outfits but it'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'm wearing a plain white shirt from the french connection,But seeing as how I'm shopping alone I've decided to wear a lowkey outfit -- I've been meaning chocolate-and-pink pinstripe city shorts, and my brown midheel havaianas with my favorite pink coach monogrammed hat and kenneth cole bag. That is my hat: its rather old so its not even in the coach website anymore! *blushes* but it tops off the outfit rather well and since i dont exactly live in a fashion-forward city it is still an attention-grabber!

And speaking of hats there are two new coach ones that i adore. The Tara hat, with the green trim and the Maude hat, which seems very coy despite of (or because of) its flower applique. Aren't they lovely? Unfortunately i've been spending so much that I can't just get them at the moment!! Im such a fan of hats that I've often wished I could be a milliner. Or even just live near a milliner!

the margaux book review

now that i'm using up my sick leave on an extended leisure trip, ive planned to catch up on all of my reading. i've been meaning to do this for the longest time, specially in that particular corner of my bookshelf where i stash books that i've picked up on garage sales and vintage shops here and abroad, books that i bought in the spur of the moment in expensive bookshops because they had gorgeous satiny covers, and finally, those 'It' books that've gotten at least forty-one stars in the new york times sunday book review for no discernible reason at all. it's the perfect time to read, seeing as how it rains every afternoon and i've just bought a box of apple and cinnamon tea from stash.

so far, in between all the shopping and the salon trips and the frequent dining out, i've managed to read: Circle of Friends (Maeve Binchy), Cat's Eye (Margaret Atwood), and The Fundamentals of Play (Caitlin Macy). they're not terrible, actually, but just the kind of books that once you pick up you have to finish or else you'll wind up tossing the plot in some deep recess of your mind. truthfully, i quite enjoyed reading them! the fundamentals of play was in particular a pleasure to read, as it reminded me of a 1990s great gatsby.

ah well, up next for grabs are: FSTR (James Gleick), The Body Artist (Don deLillo), Being Committed (Anna Maxted), Oryx and Crake (Margaret Atwood), and Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim (David Sedaris). and in case you're wondering, i'm reading them in order of copyright, as i'm thinking the old ones have had more time to lie around the bookshelves, feeling neglected and unloved. on a closing note, i still have 11 more books to go after this list. bookity bookity books. i adore them.

on another matter, i have discovered a wonderfully amusing blog about a rabbit who walks around in designer clothing. fifi lapin has lovely illustrations and the clothes never fail to delight!

from cappuccino to curls

this sunday was another exercise in leisure; im getting rather spoilt. waking up at 8 am and having three cups of coffee served in real china {no travel tumblers today!} during brunch with my sister was an indulgence. the foot spa and 2-hour late lunch at home was sheer bliss. i got my toes redone from its previous scarlet glory to a more demure french pedicure while reading a month's worth of glossy fashion magazines. then, inspired by all the fashion blogs i read this afternoon, i curled my hair atonement-style for our official father's day dinner then pranced around fluffing my luxurious curls. alas, they only held their shape for two hours or so before deflating sadly, like abandoned balloons after a birthday party. i must get better hair products to hold the curls longer -- perhaps bedhead so it's cheap? i wore the curls with a green and yellow printed vintage skirt and a silky brown top with a blossom pin. perhaps next time i'll take a picture of my clothes; it's very rare for me to able to dress up in anything other than the regulation white coat for the hospital.

among other things, my father was very pleased to have all of us there for dinner. he was quite godlike at the head of the table. i adore my dad, i really do. the family gave him a navy lacoste windbreaker, ck summer cologne, a zippo lighter, and a golf vest for father's day. a good haul, all in all. we had a cappuccino to end the evening and then the parents had to leave for work.

{photo courtesy of restaurant le meac}

coco chic

“I don't understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little - if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that's the day she has a date with destiny. And it's best to be as pretty as possible for destiny.” Coco Chanel

sparkle and implode.

this morning, on the way to the hospital, i tucked my fresh new dean&deluca tumbler in my bag, and ran off to sign attendance and get endorsements. after half an hour, i stuck my hand in my bag to get a drink of coffee and found my hand (and all my earthly possessions) swimming in thick hazelnut latte. it was only then that i realized that my nina ricci bag, previously a gorgeous gold, had gone two-toned. the bottom half was soaking bronze while the top half retained its satiny finish. a small note to dean and deluca: secure lid, my ass.

the only good thing about today's fiasco? proving the sea-worthiness of my ipod.

the consolations of philosophy

after spending hours in the central library reading bites and pieces of philosophy books, i leave with a surprisingly shiny pearl from immanuel kant, no less: Act that you use humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, always at the same time as an end, never merely as a means. i write it, again, here, because it never fails to surprise me how i feel i remember things, only to forget completely about them months later. i used to be able to discuss kant's critique of pure reason before, did you know that? i used to call up to mind complete poems by sylvia plath and t.s. eliot whenever i felt the need. i used to keep levinas's totality and infinity at my bedside table for chicken-soup comfort. it's gathered dust now; i know that when i read it again, it will be as a stranger's words.

so it doesn't give me an ounce of guilt to have spent the day with piles and piles of cherished books scattered on my library carrel, usmle reviewer tucked neatly in my messenger bag. on the contrary, it's the philosophers who reprimand me, again and again, for having deserted them.

and on a slightly related note, i give you a little kant from calvin and hobbes. i adore them! {clicky to enlarge}

start living, darling!

today was a relatively nonproductive day; off in a search for pink bunny shoelaces for my chucks i suddently decide to unearth my old glitter-decorated industrial-sized Tide detergent powder memory box (no plain old shoebox for me, darlings, my life will not fit in there). And envelopes and envelopes rain on me. everytime i open the box i think i know what's inside and always get surprised by my memories.

graduation pictures (bad hair and huge smiles) and beach pictures, tickets and stamps and playbills, letters from headhunters and acceptance letters from law school, medical school, business school, ribbons from parties long forgotten, a birthday card from when i was one year old. i added cards and pictures and programs that had been lying around in my room, stuffed in a foam envelope from the us postal office. the tide box is filled to the brim now; soon i'll have to haunt the laundry shop for a new one. sometimes it makes me want to cry, because i want to be the girl i was then. look at that smile, that complete and utter confidence in the world. the knowledge that god is paving the streets with gold for her.

(that girl had no clue how many 36-hour duty days awaited her).

sometimes i think ive lived too much, but the tide box always tells me: you havent even begun.

----------

eta: disappointments! no one carries king-size tide boxes anymore! all they have are very sad little boxes because no one uses detergent powder anymore.

\its all about the liquid.\

continually defying gravity

today's hospital duty was spent attending to several patients while attempting to catch the lakers-celtics game in between. the television in the hospital lobby was surrounded by dozens of relatives waiting for labs, doctors orders, and long hours of surgery to be finished. in the last few minutes of the game, even the neurologists stopped to catch a moment or two of hardcore basketball.

there's just something about a basketball game that just makes it seem like it's infinitely more important than, oh, a patient with neurocirculatory asthenia. which was what exactly my ER patient had. when the celtics won, i couldn't keep the dumbest smile off my face.

let's never be ordinary.

this medical intern refuses to let her life get sucked in by the hospital. scarlet fingernails clinging to the precipice of retaining some semblance of life pre-medicine. still foolishly hopeful, still finding time to hide in corners with tea and a conversation with marcel proust, still lusting after creamy leather bags and the highest of heels.

if my life was perfect, everyday would be a sunday morning, and nothing would be ordinary.

it's not perfect, but im still loving every minute of it.