indulgence is bliss

long weekend spent in a lovely lovely hotel...

i should never forget the necessity of indulgence in life.

glitter and wish

i check my old email on impulse and amidst the nylon magazine updates, the invites from social networking sites, the random spam scattered amongst it all, i find a small reminder from blogger, like a small pearl pin half-lost in a tangle of curls.

spending a good half-hour reading about myself when i was an intern makes me mourn for the woman-child i was. i took myself for granted, the girl who could turn everything - from spilled coffee to pneumonia - lovely with a spark from her fingertips and a new pair of shoes.

i would give all my years of post-graduate medical training up to be that girl again. if wishes could come true.

and, because i hope i haven't lost all vestiges of her, i will gather my words up and start writing again.

back to work

after three weeks of shopping, watching audrey hepburn films, and gloriously lazing around, it's time to study again. *small sigh* in a way, it's more difficult this time as most of my friends are going into residency and study groups are a thing of the past. no longer can i rest my brain by texting and whinging to other people and receiving consolation in return... or viceversa. im actually already behind in my schedule by two or three days, but i just could not rouse myself to brew the coffee, open the books, and take out the highlighters, the pens, the pencils. but. we must keep calm, and carry on.

the banana books

always, in days of hibernation, or in the first moments of vacation, i hide under the covers and devour books. it doesn't matter if they're old or new; although often i have a stack of new books under the bed just waiting to be read. the linens however must be freshly laundered and ironed so they're still warm when i dive back into them, and a pot of tea just within reach. the last few days have been devoted to banana yoshimoto, who writes so cleanly and crisply that it's possible to believe the impossible. i just finished rereading four of her books: kitchen, lizard, np, and amrita.

an excerpt from amrita: "dawn was breaking as we said good-bye. i saw her off by watching her small body disappear into the background, her high heels clapping along, echoing in the early morning city. my drunkenness, the sunrise, the bright sky, and a friend who was leaving. if i had died in my fall i would have missed that morning - that splendid sunrise over Tokyo. "

the posthibernation days

it's super to be back. after four months of an unplanned hiatus, this poor thing finally becomes updated. and i am now a fullfledged physician, license number and all.

for the past two weeks after the results have come out, ive watched my friends enthusiastically plan for and apply for residency. and i went and hid in my little attic, having decided to toss my hat in the usmle ring. the earliest match is 2011. i cant believe im facing two years of absolute nothingness. as always, in the first days or so, i was thrilled with the prospect of doing nothing. i think it'd still be fun if there were just one person doing nothing with me, or earning nothing with me. ive noticed that being unemployed is disastrous for my credit card. not only do i earn nothing, but there are so many hours of the days begging to be filled with shopping. already ive a new pair of black beribboned espadrilles, the topshop new york distressed tee ive been dying for since march (went on sale), a striped man's shirt, sergio rossi flats (yes, sergio rossi rarely makes flats but when he does its super), striped linen shorts, and two dozen new books (i just eat books up during hibernation).

reading back, this post sounds depressing. *makes an effort to perk it up* among other things, i think i shall do morning walks daily. it was raining today and a morning walk after coffee was wonderful. i hope it rains everyday, sometimes i absolutely cannot stand the sun. the problem is that it takes me half an hour at least to get dressed. apparently i do not own appropriate walking clothes. so far my walking outfit consists of black linen capris, men's oxford buttondown shirts, fitflop sandals, and ten thousand blisters. *laughs at self*

these are what other peoples' morning walks involve:







mine are not as gorgeous, but still worth getting up in the morning for.